Becoming A Woman

Becoming a womanDo you dream of life as a woman 24/7?  Is it reality or fantasy that drives you?

Many of us have fantasized about becoming a woman; waking everyday with silky smooth legs & curvaceous bodies. Gliding in high heels, wearing makeup, garter-belts, and stockings and blending in.  Enjoying our feminine self without any hecklers or unwanted remarks. For some this is more than fantasy, it is a life long objective just within reach.

There are so many t-sisters out there searching for happiness convinced that they would find it in womanhood. For a very few, some who are truly transsexuals – woman trapped in a man’s body — they do find happiness. For too many others it was but an empty illusion. Cross dressers often experience such joy in the female role that some seek that joy all the time. But one must recognize the illusion they experience. When one dresses up and steps out in our high heels (or stay in), the enjoy is in the magic of that moment.  But it is just that – a moment; a fleeting utopian second. Can the experience really be sustained?

First off, many crossdresserss don’t dress because they’re displaced women in a man’s body.  Dressing provides an escape from something; whether it is an over bearing mother, father or wife, a release of the pressures of ones job, an ability to express a part of one’s self more comfortably through a female persona, sexual gratification or any of dozens of other descriptions. What am I saying? I am saying that it is great in a limited space of time, but to do it everyday may not be the dream one imagines.

When many men dress they leave the problems of life with their male identity and escape into the wonderful carefree life of womanhood, and it can be delicious. It’s delicious however because they don’t have any of the problems of LIVING as a women associated with it.  When you seek to be a woman all the time however, you re-enter back into the real world. Your previous problems, from which you were trying to escape, are no longer inescapable as a full-time woman.

Moreover, the problems are still there except your have to now deal with them as a woman, which is not an easy task. I have had so many men say to me “I am so relaxed as a woman.” Perhaps they are relaxed because they have escaped the day to day grind and pressure of life. Many CD’s when they are in their “I have to dress” frame of mind, can’t think of anything else. They will put off important issues until they are done in an hour – a day or a week later, knowing that they will return to the issues at hand when they are fulfilled. Many times they return feeling renewed and refreshed. But if you were living as a woman you could not put these things off; they would be part of your life and have to be dealt with timely.

Not only does transition mean dealing with life “as a woman”; it means experiencing life “not” as a man. Many of the benefits of being a man will disappear, and there are many benefits in this society to being a man I assure you. I am not trying to derail anyone’s desires of pursuing their dream of transition or full time dressing. I’m infusing some hard reality to consider before leaping: make sure you’ve thought it through, weighed the realities against the fantasies, and are driven by the core of who you are and not by the person you like to be, sometimes.

Moreover, a woman has been practicing her assimilation into society all her life – from childhood through the teenage years right into adulthood. She has been prepared to live in society as a woman, learning about her strengths and weaknesses, the advantages and setbacks. You have not. A man who was used to certain access, attention and respect may be very frustrated by the new lack of it. Many trans-girls say to me “I get so much attention as a girl, more than I ever did as a man.” Honey that is sideshow attention, you are the spectacle, the organ grinder monkey. The monkey gets lots of attention – what does that really mean? Would you get more attention and respect at work, in applying for a loan, making a business deal, or is it only at the tranny bar? Give that some real honest thought.

Choosing to transition is not about convenience either.  Because it may be a hard road doesn’t make it the wrong road.  It’s a decision however that does require taking all things into account.

Nolte with Chrysis as a woman

Nolte with Chrysis

In 1985 I had a dear friend known as International Chrysis (see photo right). She was tall, feminine and beautiful — ala Rita Hayworth. She was a bombshell who was very comfortable in her gay sexual orientation, unlike many crossdressers who have internal struggles over whether they’re gay, BI or heterosexual. She had started hormones at the age of 16 and in her 30s — with an hourglass figure and 38-C breasts — at times would question her decision.

I spent many nights with her as she cried saying “what have I done, I am a monster.” When I asked what she meant she said, “I should have just been a gay man.” I was stunned. How could this be? She was beautiful, feminine and had no question about her sexuality.  She was a natural candidate to be TS, yet still had internal conflicts.

People assume that everybody fits into a clear mold based on certain factors, I certainly did. Chrysis struggled with life as a woman spending most of her time androgynous in her hairstyle and clothing. Only during a night out, or doing a show did portray the illusion of a woman, yet always referred to her makeup and wig as drag. “Let me get out of this drag” she would say at the end of the night.

It was only a year or so before her death that she let her hair grow and began to accept and portray the role of a woman. She even landed a speaking part in the movie Q & A with Nick Nolte shortly before her untimely death, and was the subject of the documentary Split.  (She is greatly missed!)

A current friend is on a fast track to transition; the hormones are flowing, breasts are growing, skin softening and surgery is being planned. When she is complete – does that make her a woman? She still reacts like a man, has the temperament of a man, thinks like a man and has the libido of a man. So with the body of a woman what is she? On the contrary, my very dear friend Teryl-Lynn Fox (the former Miss Gay Louisiana and countless other titles), never even dressed up the first time until she in her late teens, and within a few years started living full-time.  She said is best: “Womanhood is something you have to grow into, it is not something you just become. It is a journey that evolves – changing continually.”

Many of my other friends struggle for a sense of understanding. Is my current friend a gay man looking for validation? Does she think in her mind that to be with a man would be O.K. if she were a woman? Sexuality plays a huge underlying role in the lives of many crossdressers. Another friend once told me “I am not gay, I am only with men when I am dressed up.” “Does the dress make a difference” I asked?  To her it apparently does. This is not to portray that all cross dressers are confused about their sexual orientation, because there are many that are very comfortable in their heterosexual — or homosexual — orientation. But if they were heterosexual then that would make them lesbians wouldn’t it? On second thought,  that is another article all together.

“Your body is the taxi that carries YOU around” I once wrote.  Who you are is what this article is all about, inside you, your heart, your spirit and your soul. Don’t rush off in hope that transition will make your life better; find out who you are first. When you get in touch with that, then, and only then are you ready to deal with a life-altering decision.

If you have the spirit of a woman and really want to bring your body in line with “you”, which you believe in your very bones should have been a woman, then transition makes sense, but absolutely anything less is a tempting but empty fantasy.

As always, be happy, be safe, and think pretty.

From Essays by Briana Austin

Essay Comments   

#23 Guest 2013-07-24 12:25

Well said! One can change the shell, but the programming needs to mutate to get things proper.

#22 franci 2013-06-04 08:55

I am now 62 years old & roaring out of my closet so fast that the changes can no longer be hidden. I’ve finally found the guts to pursue my natural lifestyle.

#21 kathyann 2013-04-06 06:54

She told me then & there that she had always wanted another daughter. I was so happy that she had accepted me as her daughter. Through the years that went by, they both helped me with my transisition. Briann, I never thought of myself as being a boy, just as a girl trapped in a boy’s body. And, thankfully having 2 understanding women in my life they have helped me so much with my change. I was always picked on by the other boys when I went out to play, those early years, because I acted so enfeminate. But, naturally when I went out as a girl I was picked on worse until finally the girls accepted me for what I was a girl trapped in a boy’s body. It was during that early time when I wasn’t accepted by either gender I was attacked by the boys, for being what I was/wasn’t.

#20 kathyann 2013-04-06 06:52

Since,I can remember, watching my sister & playing with my sister I felt that we should have been acting like sisters together. When I/we could no longer contain ourselves, Jamie (my sister) let me get dressed up in her clothes. Ohhhhh, I could remember that first time in her clothing, I finally felt at ease with myself. I no longer felt a conflict within myself. I knew then that I have to continue wearing feminine clothing & now I could finally let my inner self come out. Since that day, I wore my sister’s old clothing every chance that I got. I didn’t know it at first. bt Jamie told our step mother about me. One day while she was out & sis and I were in her room, Mom made a surprise return. She saw me dressed, I bushed a deep red but, I also felt good because now it was out in the open. Mom, studied how I looked & she accepted me for what I had become in her eyes.

#19 Guest 2013-02-12 11:20

I have dreamed for a long time of becoming a woman

#18 Guest 2013-01-19 03:33

Hello, I just wanted to tell everyone out there that they aren’t the only one that needs to dress. I am a male but i dress 24/7 and i couldn’t be happier. My wife helps me as much as she can besause she says that when i am dressed i am a better person and she says that i am a real woman B

#17 Nancy James 2012-11-29 20:12

I love dressing as a woman and am really having fun as I sexually begin the many wonderful sex acts as a woman. My mind is now always that of a woman and I find it very stimulating when a man enters the room.

I love walking in stocking, high heels, and very short skirts. My blouses are thin and reveal a cute bra and my growing breasts which have now been ticking all day long and the nipples are now errect too.

#16 Kathy P 2012-10-15 13:06

Hello, I am also happest when iam dressed as myself i know ian in the wrong body but iam 60 and i think it is ti late to do anything about it.I still dress when i can but i really feel that i should be a woman 100% of the time.Iam to the point where that is all i think about. I wished i knew what to do. I think iam going crazy.HELP

Thank you for listening

#15 chloe111 2012-10-15 01:26

ive ben on hrt since april and its a wonderful feeling being turned into the woman you wanted to be in the first place.its a long journey and at times its dam hard..but ill get there. xx

#14 Sue 2012-08-12 16:48

I agree. This article was well thought out and well written. It gave me a lot to think about as I stand at the crossroads of my sexuality. I have always wanted to have the body of a woman and dress like a woman. I found hypnotherapy to be very effective at helping m find peace. I have started herb therapy to grow breasts two days ago and I still want to do this. I still want to be a woman. It is something I have lived with for years and I have decided that it was time, for better and worst…

#13 aaron 2012-08-12 15:04

i have felt incomplete like im in the wrong body ever since i was in gradeschool. id look at the girls and think god thats who i should be. makeup stylish shoes long hair skirts dresses. i have always loved it all. i hate my body hair and having to shave my face. i am forced to live life as a man because knowone will understand. i usually wait till knowone is home then put makeup on with my slip bra dress earrings and of corse my wig that goes halfway down my back. this is who i am not some man. hopefully eventually i can dress like a woman for good grow my hair halfway down my back mabye some nice bangs. hopefully someday.

#12 aaron 2012-08-12 11:19

i have known id rather be a woman than man since i was like 8 im 28 now. i would always look at girls and think id love to wear dresses skirts makeup and ive always loved nice full long hair. i cannot transition because knowone will understand. its easier to live as a man unhappy than be happy. what i do is wait till knowone is home and dress up then. put makeup on wear a brawith socks to replace breasts. i get in a nice dress and have a few nice long wigs. those are the happiest times of my life. mabye eventually i can be a woman full time. i certinally dream of my own long brown hair real breasts. mabye someday!

#11 Shaun 2012-07-03 09:58

Why im not happy as a man but happy as a woman, why i feel more feminine on the inside and why i dont match the way i feel on the outside. although i am still young *23* i continue to think about this all the time and am only ever happy when i am a woman, so i have decided that i am going to start transitioning soon. I realize that it will be a hard road and that some people wont be able to deal with it, but this is something i want, something i need. i need to be me and currently this is not who i am. All these hardships and things to come actually make me happy cause in the end i know that i will be the person i have always been on the inside. Thank you all XOXO -Sarah

#10 Shaun 2012-07-03 09:57

Hello, i wanted to say thank you for this article it really put things in prospective for me. I myself have always felt different from others, at a very young age i became curious as to what it would feel like to be a woman, and so i entered my cross dressing stage in my life. The first time i wore woman’s clothes i didnt know what to expect but it felt so, how to say, right. it made me happy and feel like i was whole. Throughout my middle age and teen years i continued to crossdress. I realize that i cant run from stuff i have to do and still have to return to do it but have also always felt that id be happier doing them as a woman, this is something i have thought about sense i could think.

#9 Wendygrrl 2012-04-13 20:22

Thank you for sharing…

#8 R.K 2012-02-26 13:01

This is one of the most intelligent articles i have ever read on the subject. I have two very real personas and for many years i struggled with this very issue. I began transitioning, thinking the very same ideations you mentioned until one day it hit me like a brick. I was born a man, I am a man, and the road to my other self would be backbreaking and filled with stresses that i was just not willing to accept. I still feel my feline side, but am so glad that i did not do anything irreversible.

#7 soda 2012-01-04 09:30

No. If you want to transition just because it feels better, do it. No gatekeepers. Another ‘gay male’ orientation that dosn’t think ‘straight’ or ‘bi-male’ transsexuals are valid. None of the things mentioned should stop you. “Libido of a man”? Jeesh. If you want to be, you are. Period. (I am always the minority report.) Don’t let others define you.

#6 GR8LegsNJ 2011-10-21 17:01

I just fell across this article. I transitioned and all some time ago; more years then I choose to mention. I love my new role in society and have actually had my life improve greatly. But living in society as female is not all peaches and cream. Firstly it is more costly, clothes, shoes, personal grooming. Now I pass (how I hate that term), no I am accepted as who I present as. I am never questioned, even over the telephone. I also worked very hard to get here. I prepared beginning 5 years out from the beginning of full time living. I began taking voice lessons, letting my hair grow out, began getting manicures etc. You want to have a successful transition, prepare, plan, then you will have it easier.

#5 Laurie Chamberlain 2011-09-05 21:33

I stumbled onto this page and article tonight; I am talking with my therapist tomorrow about where I go from here as a 60 year old transsexual who has had no hormones or surgeries at this point. This article has gotten me thinking very differently all of a sudden. I pass well and prettily as a petite male in great shape, and I enjoy all the benefits of being male when not out as Laurie. I may be happiest, after-all, by being both. Much to think about. A gift this article is. And ministry to the souls of folk like me. Thanks. Laurie

#4 Brianna Austin 2011-09-05 09:53

Quoting Laura Evans:

Thank you so much for this article. I am at that crossroad of starting HRT, I started counselling to help me sort this through. I am 63 and retired so work and upward mobility is not an issue but questioning whether the decision I make now will become a disapointment later is where I am. Some of the points you made in the piece are the very things I am strugling with.

It’s a big decision. The fact that your daily life does not inhibit you helps. You might find Truth or Dare interesting as well:

#3 Laura Evans 2011-09-05 09:38

Thank you so much for this article. I am at that crossroad of starting HRT, I started counselling to help me sort this through. I am 63 and retired so work and upward mobility is not an issue but questioning whether the decision I make now will become a disapointment later is where I am. Some of the points you made in the piece are the very things I am strugling with.

#2 d.ames 2011-09-01 11:56

Hi, I found this article very interesting…. I am 35 and have felt as if I should have been a woman since I was about 5 years old I guess.
Sadly I am very tall (6,2) and for this reason feel I could never transition without experiencing extreme prejudice …The society we all live in is very oppressive, it has no respect for the fact some of us are born different and as such transgendered will always experience hostility.
It makes me so sad that I am trapped in a male body forever because of others opinions and ignorance but I cant change the world so my choice is live unhappily as a man or live with hatred and contempt from nearly all the people I encounter day to day.
ultimately I believe anyone who is truly”trapped in another sexes body”knows from a very young age,as I did…men/women who feel this in teenage/adult years are probably not truly transgendered.. .I wish happiness and peace to all,and good luck on your journeys through life !

#1 Britney 2011-08-20 13:44

this is such a smart article .with great insight into transition i salute you


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