Passing “Guaranteed”

Pebbles McWhorter is a genetic girl who is into cross-dressers. I ran across Pebbles when she participated in a TV interview on cross-dressers. She posted an interesting interview on her blog, “Misunderstood-Straight Crossdressers” written by Lisa Empanada, a well known, but recently deceased, crossdresser from the Philadelphia area. Lisa’s perspective reminds me of our own Ashley Bottoms, as well, being an outspoken advocate on the need for cross-dressers getting out there and being seen. I do hope this piece speaks to you.

Lisa Empanada

Lisa Empanada

Lisa:
Who here wants to pass? Yeah, yeah… you heard me right. I am going to GUARANTEE that you will pass. Just bare with me as we try to figure out what passing really means.

Ok, lets get started… Who here has a masculine build? *Lisa’s hand goes up.*

Who here is too tall? *Lisa’s hand goes up again.*

Who here has a not so feminine voice? *Lisa’s hand goes up. Thankful that her hand is speaking for her.*

Who here has big hands, man hands? *Lisa starts to raise her hand, but self consciously leaves it in her lap and in her baritone voice yells out…”HEY! No fair Lisa you are picking on me!”*

So is it true that Lisa can’t ‘pass’ in public? (after that question I am betting my dance card becomes less full) In fact a lot of us girls who say we are passable probably would find many who disagree. Would I write ‘passable’ in my profile? No, I would say that I am sexy (a state of mind, a projection) I can be beautiful (again a state of mind, a projection) And I would say I am definitely feminine (which is certainly a state of mind and projection)

Sexy, Beautiful, Feminine all traits commonly applied to woman but not traits that all woman apply. So by now you can see where I am going with this. The question is why do you feel you don’t pass in public. Do you see yourself as a man in a dress or are you fearful that this is how others will see you? Are you preoccupied with worrying if you have been ‘read‘? Chances are these are causing you not to pass.

When someone feels that they do not pass its because they feel like they look out of place, unnatural to their surroundings. Looking exactly like a woman is something you can’t control, either you have it, or like me, you don’t. But you do have control over looking out of place and appearing unnatural. Its all in the projection.

First off mannerisms. We can all, with practice, walk, sit, move, smile, flirt, gesture and in general act exactly like genetic woman. If you come plodding into a club, like some Neanderthal in heels way too high, as if you are trying to carry an invisible watermelon between your thighs, chances are you’ll look unnatural, not only to your surroundings but to who you are. There is a flow and a grace to woman. A grace that can only be accomplished through practice and attitude. You must act and think like who you are is what you should be. Others will hear with their eyes what you are trying to say about yourself.
Feeling and acting natural is all that really matters. So right now half the readers are screaming… Rip Off! We want our money back! No Fair! ….Alright now, calm down missy, and cross those legs by the way. I am serious here.

If you want to look out of place then all you have to do is to act in a way that supports that visual. If you subconsciously look down and away and your body language projects insecurity and doubt, most people will look at you and not think Why is that man in a dress?…. but more accurately… Why is that person so uncomfortable in their own skin? Its less likely that they will wonder why you are there, but more likely they will wonder why you didn’t keep your insecure flat @$$ home.

When a woman walks into the room she should do so with confidence (not to be mistaken for being flamboyant). If how you look and how you act seems the most natural thing to you and you smile and enjoy the fact that you are where you belong, most people will see that energy and respect your comfort. They certainly won’t feel sorry for you. They rightfully will conclude that any prejudices that they may chose to inflict upon you will be a total waste of their time.

Simply put, passing in public is acting and feeling natural in your surroundings. Dress as most people around you are dressed, Act according to your environment. If you believe you belong where you are, then so will others. Refine your femininity and project the inside outside you’ll live it and they’ll get it, trust me.

So passing is all about projecting who you are…with confidence. Am I a genetic woman? NO! I am a Transwoman and I pass as such. We all should be proud of who we are.

“But Lisa, I’m a just a crossdresser and I love club wear and exotic wear, I’ll never pass…right?”

No! WRONG! You are not ‘JUST‘ anything. You are ‘ALSO‘ which makes you ‘more than‘, which should be looked at as a huge plus. And besides that you will pass as a person who celebrates his/her freedom. You will pass as someone who is not beholden to the expectations of others. You WILL pass as a spirited individual if you are not afraid to let your spirit shine.

There it is …that is how we PASS. We proudly present ourselves for who we are and that will get us a passing grade every time. Ooh one more thing, if you are peeing standing up that’s not passing and that’s not peeing, That’s pissing and only guys take a piss. You get a big fat incomplete in this course and have to start over. Girls ‘pee’ or ‘tinkle’ and always remember you are a girl, sit while you pee but if you ‘wipe’ yourself afterward give yourself extra girlie points for taking passing to extremes…lol.

Good Luck and get out there Girls!

5 thoughts on “Passing “Guaranteed”

  1. Thank you for that wonderful story, Helen. I once had a friend from Hobart but never made it to Tasmania, But you might guess where the name Tasi came from :). Your advice is most sound.

  2. Great and very interesting read. I have to admit to being rather reticent of late in my T activities but once upon a time I was very active and would go out a lot, either shopping on my own, or with girl friends from my work who knew about me. I went through one of those stages when I said to heck with it, if they know they know. If they have a problem with it it’s their problem. A long story, for another time. I digress.
    I had arrived at a stage where I was comfortable in myself, there were many occasions when I had been put and about. One prime experience was the care and patience I received from a dear friend in Tasmania who took me under her wing when I went to stay for a visit. Although nervous and even reluctant at first she managed to get this girl to remain en femme for a week. Being such a holiday and touristy spot we went to all the sights, shopping, dining and cafe’s, wandering round the beautiful harbour city of Hobart.
    To support the point of the letter, she gave me confidence and courage enough to relax among mixed company.
    I think generally I may have ‘passed’ or maybe I was just demure enough to be ignored. Although, to be honest, there was one horrible episode. We were in a store looking for something and I started to zip round like a banshee. My friend was so upset as I was drawing the wrong sort of attention to myself. I got a well deserved telling off. Not only did I create a negative situation for me but by association to her as well. She had been living there full time for many years as a retired lady with no problems ever and in one fell swoop I had threatened to upset her applecart.
    Anyway, (sorry, bad habit of mine, I keep digressing). Confidence and practice, watch how women walk, talk, sit. Copy but don’t over do it. No woman speaks in a falsetto. Don’t wave the hands about, do things slowly, deliberately and enjoy.
    cheers,
    Helen

  3. That’s been my experience too Gerri. What is even more fun is that as you get older, you can experiment more with fashion…not my grandmother. Women today of all ages can express themselves in what they wear

  4. I’m surprised that there aren’t any comments to this particular post. I think it is a very valid statement of who we are, what we do and what we need to do to achieve our expectations. That being ladylike in our environment. Just what we want to be, accepted for what we are, ladylike . The thing I got the most out of this was the fact that if you look confident, that your is a chin up, boobs out, and look like you really belong and know what you’re doing. You won’t even be getting get a second look. You are perceived to be what you are, a lady. I know at times before I leave the house, I hesitate and I wonder, I look in the mirror, and most times I just say what the hell. I put on my best front and go out and do it I enjoy. The shop and all the Macy’s, Dillard’s, Walmarts, Home Depot’s, Lowe’s and I do it like I own the place with a smile and confidence. Will I be accepted 100% of the time? I doubt it. But then, chances are I’ll never see these people again so it makes no difference to me. It is the acceptance that I did experience that makes it pleasurable.

  5. I’m surprised to not see any comments on this post. One of the life lessons I’ve learned is that confidence opens many, many doors. I think the author makes a very good point. Practice is important, but confidence is essential.

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