A satisfying sex life is one of the most challenging issues for a wife of a cross-dresser. Even a marriage built on love is challenged after many years of marriage when it comes to sex. For women, the need to have sex dwindles as she enters menopause when her interest in sex becomes an afterthought.
This lack of interest in sex is normal for most women, unless they are taking hormone replacement to amp up their sex drive. Many women hesitate to do so as they are afraid of the potential side-effects of cancer from hormone therapy. So sex doesn’t become a priority for them.
For men, it seems sex is always on their minds, even as they get older, it is still something they desire. And, for cross-dressing men who often come out later in their marriage as to being a cross-dresser, the excitement of being able to dress with their wives, is as invigorating as the sex, itself. Like a teenager in puberty, they are excited about the possibilities after having kept their secret for decades from their wife and now finally having a partner to share with. Their new-found enthusiasm can be overwhelming for their wives.
A wife and her cross-dressing husband are now in a different realm, where the wife may be content with less sex, yet her husband in exhibiting her femme self wants more. And for a wife who is already mildly interested in sex, having her husband hop into bed wearing a silk night gown and a Marilyn Monroe blond wig, is a turn-off that causes her anxiety and fear of losing her husband. Often her cross-dressing husband is so delighted to be in her femme role, she often doesn’t take the time to find out what sexually stimulates her wife.
Most women do not have sexual fantasies of having sex with a woman. Not that it’s not totally foreign to their psyche and yes, some women have lesbian fantasies, but their main sexual drive is with a man. Making love with another woman (the femme side of their husband) is a lot to ask from your wife after many years of being together and never having done it. You have just changed the rules of the game.
So how do a sexually under-whelmed wife and an adolescent-charged cross-dressing husband make their sex life work?
Here are some tips for a satisfying sex life:
• Tread slowly with your cross-dressing when seducing your wife. Introduce her to your silk panties wearing a man’s tee-shirt, allowing her to know that you are still there and she hasn’t lost you to “another woman” she doesn’t know. Give her time to get used to you wearing panties and other female items, so she can create a new visual of you that turns her on. Sex is a private experience of the mind and she needs to find her own mental fantasy of the new you. She may never share what that is, but that’s okay, as long as she is turned on.
• Respect Your Wives need to have sex with you in your male role. You don’t want her to ever feel like she has lost you to “her.” She needs to know that you are still the husband she married. If she feels secure of this, she will become comfortable as you add in feminine clothing.
• Don’t encourage her to dress sexier to reflect your feminine self. How you dress in your femme role is your choice, but don’t expect your wife to change her style to reflect yours. Love her as she is and she will love you back, panties and all!
• Remember to keep your wife as the primary woman in your relationship. Don’t allow your femme self to upstage her as a woman when having sex, for sure.
• Don’t ask her to seduce your femme self. Seducing another woman is foreign to women. They just don’t know how to do it and it makes them feel very uncomfortable to be the one taking the lead sexually. Few women do it effectively.
A healthy sex life can be incorporated into your marriage. Give your wife time to adjust to your femme self and be respectful of her needs, both outside of and inside the bedroom. Show her that you are still the man she fell in love with, not a stranger in a dress.
Be sure and read parts 1 and 2 to this series and check out more articles from Terri on her blog, Shades of Gender