A cross-dressing husband will strain any martial relationship but what happens when a cross-dresser looks better than his wife? How does this affect their wives’ self-esteem? Is it really an issue for married couples who venture out in public together or even in the privacy of their own home?
For many it is an issue, as a wife not only has to deal with her husband being a cross-dresser, of which she has most likely has made concessions, but when her husband is in his fem mode and more attractive than her, it can be devastating. His wife never anticipated this happening.
For most cross-dressers, dressing and appearing as a woman is important. They work hard at it. Being passable is desired by most cross-dressers who are driven by this need to be accepted as a woman when presenting as one. This desire for acceptance motivates them to be the best possible woman they can be which means they use many tools to achieve the illusion of a woman.
Wigs, false eyelashes, the proper makeup and body forms become part of their fem routine. Their wives who have lived their lives as a woman may not be as concerned about their appearance. They have nothing to prove and consequently are not as “prepped” as their cross-dressing husbands. Anyone can look great with the right wigs, make-up and clothing. Most women don’t bother with these things as they take too much work and are not part of their “look.”
So what does a wife do when her cross-dressing husband looks better than his wife?
Here are some tips for a couple dealing with this:
A cross-dressing husband needs to pay attention to his wife and to respect who she is. She is still the primary woman in the marriage and should be treated as such. She needs to be complimented. If she has a new haircut or dress, this needs to be acknowledged. She depends on this from her husband. Don’t look at her dress thinking it may be a good on you, see her in her dress and tell her how nice she looks in it.
When out together with you in your fem persona, don’t ignore your wife as if she isn’t in the room as she is your mate, your best friend and confidant. Don’t try to upstage her. Let her shine with her own style and be attentive to her.
When going out with your wife in your fem role make it a “play date.” Gently encourage your wife to have fun with her appearance, too. Buy her a new wig or a lipstick she hasn’t worn before. Help her dress-up if she is into this. Be her husband first then get dressed in your clothing.
Don’t try to make your wife into someone she is not based on your sexual desires. You married her because of who she is, so let her take baby steps in stepping up her beauty routine. She needs to know most importantly that you still think she is desirable.
Being married to a cross-dresser is not easy for a woman no matter how wonderful your relationship is. Once the fem side is released, the relationship takes on an entire new set of rules. It takes time and patience as she needs to adapt to seeing her husband as a woman, even if it is only presenting as such. From the first moment her husband walks out of the room in pumps and a skirt with a face full of make up, her life will never be the same.
What a wife needs to know is that she is still loved, pretty and coveted. It is the first step for her to feel good about herself. Its not about the make-up or the clothes for her, it’s about her still feeling good about herself. Beauty truly comes from within and when your wife is happy, she is the one who glows, so let her shine.
Read more of Terri Lee’s columns here.