D – From the Housemistress

From the Housemistress

TasiAll Bladders Matter!

According to the Republican-controlled legislatures in North Carolina, Mississippi, and Kansas, transgender Americans should start developing ninja-level bladder control skills, because whole chunks of the South and Midwest are now, officially, “No Trans Zones.”  Thanks to new, “religious freedom,” laws in those states, we’re no longer allowed to enter the gender-specific restroom, changing room or locker room of our gender identity.  We have to use the facility that serves the gender on our birth certificates.

In Tennessee, if the governor signs the bill that’s on his desk right now, we better not require any kind of counseling services, because Volunteer State mental health professionals will have legal immunity should they refuse to treat LGBTQ Americans for religious reasons.  Oh, and in Mississippi, we probably shouldn’t bet our organ donor cards on getting or keeping a job, either.  Because it’s okie dokie with the state if we get fired, or not hired at all, solely because of our gender identities.

What tourist attractions in those states would be worth developing a urinary tract infection to see, anyway?  The National Museum of the Unibrow?  The First Cousins’ Tunnel of Love in the, “Our Family Tree Doesn’t Fork,” Amusement Park?  The Flannel Shirt Hall of Fame?  The Stonehenge replica made up entirely of old pickup trucks and dead refrigerators?)

Let’s be honest.  These laws have precious little to do with “religious freedom.”  There’s not a single recorded case anywhere of a transgender individual interfering with, or preventing participation in any religious practice, sacrament, tradition, ritual or custom by any member of any religion.  These laws are also not designed to protect America’s women-folk from being assaulted by crossdressers in public bathrooms.  That’s nothing more than weapons-grade bullshit.  There is not now, nor has there ever been, a spate of attacks by transgender individuals against women or girls in any venue.  (Plus, does anyone seriously believe that a serial rapist will be thwarted from attacking a victim in a public toilet by a dress code?)

No, these laws have a single purpose – to ostracize transgender Americans and, ultimately, exclude us from participating in society.  They are retaliation against LGBTQ Americans for winning the right to marry last year in the Supreme Court.  The evangelical Christians want to make somebody pay for their defeat, and the “T” of the LGBTQ is the most visible and vulnerable subset of that community.

Now, I’m not a Christian, nor do I claim any special insight into God’s thinking on any given proposition.  But I decided the other day to try to “go over the heads” of the evangelicals and reach out directly to their boss.  I figured that, if there is anyone most of them should listen to, it’s the CEO back in the home office.  So I wrote the following letter:

Dear God,

Have I got a deal for you!  As you know, I’ve been a fairly noisy atheist since my IQ exceeded my height as a child.  But I am willing to publicly and permanently renounce atheism and to accept Jesus Christ as my personal Lord and Savior.  Forever and ever, amen.  All You have to do is “Rapture away,” all of the evangelical Christians off the face of the Earth.  Hoover them home.  Commence, “the Big Suck.”  Easy peasy.  Or, you could smite the shit out of every last twisted, hateful one of those walking dog turds.  I’m fine with either option.  Let’s call it Deity’s Choice.  And there’s an extra $1,000 cash in it for you if you saltpeter their hometown water supplies, and give a persistent rectal itch to any waiter or waitress who ever served an evangelical in a restaurant and didn’t spit in their food.  (Okay, I may have a slight anger management issue when it comes to this subject.  Please bear with me.)

You can spare the family pets, Lord.  I’m not a monster.  (Unless they have gerbils.  They smell terrible and are the dirtiest creatures I’ve ever seen.  Eighty-six the gerbils, as well.)

God, I know my offer already sounds too good to be true, but wait, there’s more!  If You act within the next 48 hours and also send that drooling, malicious tumor Pat Robertson to an endless afterlife of cleaning toilets, naked, with his tongue, in the nastiest men’s room in the busiest gay bar on Earth – I promise to tithe 90% of my income every year for the rest of my life to the charity of Your choice.  I’ll even spend all of my remaining summer vacations looking for attractive virgins to throw into volcanoes as human sacrifices to please you.  (I have no idea why, but some folks down here have suggested that You might be into that sort of thing.  Whatever.  I don’t judge.)

This is a spectacular deal for You, Heavenly Father.  Evangelicals and Robertson do horrible things in your name all the time and call it Holy Writ.  This is causing an unprecedented exodus of Exodus fans from your churches.  Young people, in particular, are running from organized religion like someone threw schnauzer poo in the hot tub at a Sweet 16 pool party.  And the other marquee faiths are using every social media trick in the book to recruit new followers from the shrinking pool of the faithful.  Having Robertson and the other God Nazis (no offense, Lord, the name just fits), hanging around Your neck like anchors makes it a lot harder for You to step up Your game at a critical time.  (Hell, even the Amish are on Twitter now, for Your sakes!)

Look at it this way, God.  Chalk outlining the evangelicals won’t really cost You anything.  There are always more angry bigots and ignorant bastards eager to fill any holes in the asshole front lines.  (And thanks to politics and the customer service departments of most cable and telephone companies, they never seem to have trouble earning a comfortable living, either.  But that’s a conversation for another time.)

Here’s the bottom line: letting the Holy Haters, “fall off the back of a truck,” won’t matter a wit in the grand scheme of things.  But I’m a pretty valuable catch, public relations-wise.  Please don’t misunderstand, I’m not suggesting I’m special or noteworthy in any way. You know better than anyone that I’m barely above below average in a lot of categories.  (For example, I can’t wear horizontal stripes to save my life, and when I dance I look like I need to be heimliched.)  But I have been devout in my godlessness for a long time.  And, while more and more of Your former followers are entering the ranks of the inquisitive every day, very few atheists are abandoning reason to join the, “stop asking so many questions,” crowd of believing Christians.

I’m not going to lie to you, God.  Losing the question mark from my daily life will be the toughest sacrifice I’ve ever made.  Just not being able to raise my eyes skyward and ask, “Are You fucking serious, Lord?” when I encounter bad people spouting scripture to back up shitty behavior, will probably have me licking light sockets for the sweet release of death inside of three months.  But I’m willing to make that sacrifice if it makes crap monsters like Pat Robertson ‘and the legion of zombie Trump Humps disappear.

So, God, thank you in advance for your help.  And one last thing, just to tip the scales a bit more in my direction.  If you act right now, I’ll throw in a set of hand-carved, imported steak knives and an authentic, brand new, Popeil’s, “Pocket Fisherman,”, absolutely free!


I hope you relate to this as much as I do.


14 thoughts on “D – From the Housemistress

  1. Our Governor in the State of Georgia did the bold thing. He vetoed the GA. bathroom bill that the legislature dumped on him. Of course it will be back again next year. The bigots, thumpers, pulpiteers, and ignorant don’t give up… And, never have as near as I can tell… And, I’ve been fighting them a long time. I’m in my eight decade on the planet. Over seven decades in DRAG.

  2. A very well thought out response to Ms. Jenner and her ilk, and I heartily agree. Reality show divas of any stripe should never, and can never be true role models for those of us living in the real world. Now, were she to actually sponsor some less fortunate, and do so without constant media coverage, I might….might applaud.

  3. Calamity Jane is the movie I think Jeanette is referring to. One of my favourite movies as well.
    My older sister had the tiresome chore of having to take me to the movies when I was young and she loved the musicals. Oklahoma, Carousel, South Pacific, ‘Seven Brides for Seven Brothers’.
    ‘Calamity Jake’ was the best, a gun totin’ fast talking scout transforms into a young woman. OK, that isn’t accurate but I would have loved that version.

  4. Hello Tasi
    I run a bridal Boutique along with my wife Julie. Although not a cross dresser myself, I do actually have something that may be of interest to your readers.
    I am a shoe maker by trade and as the shoe industry manufacturing trade diminished I found myself in the niche market of making ladies shoes in larger sizes.
    These shoes were all of a high heel variety and very expensive. I no longer make shoes but I do own a mail order web site that specializes in wedding shoes.
    In these ranges there are larger fitting shoes and best thing about them is that they can be coloured by me to any colour to match any outfit. I have some standard colours and I can dye to a swatch also.
    The other good thing about these shoes is that they give in all the right places making them more comfortable than a high street shoe.
    Theres much more to my story if you want me to write something but if I could market my shoes down the cross dresser route then I would be more than happy to assist anyone with any questions.

  5. Thanks Gerridee. We try hard. Hope you like the new Lookbook. Many new features coming too

  6. Of the 23 sites that I have bookmarked on the computer, Sister House is the first one in line. The more time I spend on the site the less time I spend on other sites which are not nearly as informative and well written as this one. Keep up the good work let the information flow.

  7. Tasi,
    I thought I would add my comment here. I think that the best way to spread the word is on a one on one basis and the best way to do this is to get out and about blending in and not absolutely passing.
    Because of who I am and how I look I almost have to limit my outings to safe places which are mostly either LGBT friendly places or support group meetings. I find, surprisingly enough, that even in these places the ‘hidden majority’ of CDs are neither known or understood.
    Last week I went to an LGBT bar that was having Latin night and a drink promotion. My plan, because I have to get up early is to only go for one or two drinks and then leave early. At the bar, after saying my basic hellos to those that I know, I sat with a guy I had met once before. He asked me how far along I was in my transition. I told him that I was not in transition and had no plans to do so. He said he know one other guy that dressed and that person was in transition. His next assumption was that I was gay. I told him wrong again. I a very happily married with children and 100% faithful to my wife. His mind could not accept that. We then went on to talk about my CD issues. He was astounded to learn about the entire ‘hidden majority.’ I was dressed in a nice red floral wrap dress with 3.5″ pumps and my reddish wig complete with purse and, of course, in full makeup.
    This guy was from a small town out west and he had been married but he was certain that he was fully gay although he conceded that he still loved his ex wife and that he would still find her sexually attractive.
    We were then joined by another guy at the bar. This fellow was also recently divorced and identified himself as ‘most likely gay.’ He was dressed in a nice shirt and but was wearing girls jeans and lovely 4″ stiletto booties over his hose. He mentioned that he was wondering if he was CD, or TG or even TS or whether he just had a fetish for hose and heels.
    Two young ladies then came into the bar and I ended up chatting with them. The most talkative one was not gay and had just left an 18 year marriage. She and I hit it off nicely and we were able to talk fashion, shoes, etc. I told her that I was just an old overweight guy that like to dress to feel pretty and to hang out while so dressed. I was stunned when she guessed my age and her guess was 10 years less than my real age. she was impressed with my lack of wrinkles and I passed it off to a combination of genes and makeup.
    We were then joined by a guy in drag. He looked great with a black bustier, fishnets and 5″ pumps. He had on about 5 times as much makeup as me. we were able to talk wig and shoe shopping, etc. A fun guy.
    I had a few other chats with others but everyone I spoke to did receive at least a little education about the hidden majority. I ended up having two more drinks than I should have and got home about two hours later than planned but it was a good night out and about.

  8. thanks for the wonderfull vídeo where i would like to deserve for you all and all members a great 2014!!! With love and success!!! Kisses!!!

  9. Thank you for your book which I downloaded and have read it from Front to back and will use it to give me a guide. It is wonderful.

  10. I got something right??? *giggle* Nice!!!!
    Most times, for me, it’s remembering the things I could not do, that the girls were doing! From the cute feminine outfit to the material things that marked it “for girls only!” I want that pink bicycle with colorful steamers and flowery basket on the handlebars, and the outfit girls wore while riding! I always wanted a Magic Oven and a classy holiday apron to go with it! Why can’t we drive the VW bug with the moving flower on the dash or the vase in the vent? They make eyelashes for the headlights too!!! I always smile when I see one because…. It’s all…just “Fun!”

  11. Welcome Jeanette,
    If you like the site, please invite your friends to come too. Please join the discussions in the members suite, or if you like to write, you can post it over on my blog.

  12. Hi Great to be here.
    Ahh Doris Day in the film where she changed from a Buck skin wearing Stage Coach guard, riding shotgun, to a beautiful young woman, how I envied her, how she could change from one to the other. I must have seen the film several times and still wanted to be in her position to be both characters but not daring to say anything to anyone, I was 10 years old at the time, and did know if anyone else have these thoughts or was I alone in the world ? but as the years went by I came to a greater knowledge of all things Transvestite/Crossdressing and I am very happy within myself now.
    I look forward to being a good member and contributor to your site

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